Doing Life Together

This Rule of Christ Guide is Centenary Church's covenant for how we handle conflict.

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Centenary United Methodist Church

501 S. Second St. Mankato, MN 56001 (507) 225-6300

Rule of Christ Conflict Covenant
A Process for Communicating with Love and Care
(adopted 10/29/12, Revised July 2024)

 

MATTHEW 18 BIBLE STUDY

1. Matthew 18:8-9 — Look at yourself

2. Matthew 18:15 — Talk one on one

3. Matthew 18:16 — Get objective help

4. Matthew 18:17a — Take it to the Church

5. Matthew 18:17b — Shake the dust

6. Matthew 18:20 — God is there

 

Steps in the Process (as presented in Matthew 18)

Step 1: Inward Reflection

Examine your role in the conflict or concern and ask yourself:

• What part am I responsible for?

• How would Jesus handle this situation?

• Can I let it go? Should I let it go?

• Do I need help with the process? (Discern with a trained spiritual mentor.)

Step 2: One on One

Go directly to the person to work it out:

• Speak for yourself: Start each sentence with “I.”

• Work hard to understand the other person’s point of view.

• Work together to create agreeable solutions.

Step 3: Use a Helper

Seek out an objective or neutral trusted mediator to go with you to hear both sides of the conflict and facilitate a gentle conversation.

Step 4: Take it to “The Church”

• First, bring the issue to the appropriate committee or work area.

• If unresolved, bring it to Church Leadership (e.g., Worship Committee, SPRC, Admin Council) to work on a creative resolution.

  • For example, the Worship Committee may help solve an ongoing problem related to Sunday mornings, or SPRC may address an issue related to staff.

Step 5: Move On

There are some issues that cannot be resolved. The church should remember its mission. Let go of the anger and disappointment and move on in ministry.

Step 6: Remember God’s Promise

God promises to be with us in the midst of our problems. Even when we agree to disagree, the bond of Christ holds us in fellowship.

 

Personal Guide for Reflection

(See Step 1)

Take time for reflection:

• What is my part in the situation? What would Jesus do?

• Can I let it go? Should I let it go?

• Should I seek a spiritual mentor?

Questions to Consider:

1. Who or what am I in conflict with? What happened?

2. When did the conflict happen?

3. How did the conflict make me feel?

4. What was my role in the conflict?

5. What do I choose to do? (After reading Matthew 18; either let it go or seek out the person I need to talk to.)

6. If the issue isn’t resolved during the initial conversation, who is a neutral person I could bring with me to mediate a second conversation?

7. What committee or work area of the church does this affect?

8. How would defining this conflict help improve the overall ministry of the church, or is this really a matter of preference where we should agree to disagree?

9. What outcome do I seek as I pursue this process?

 

Remember:

• Be aware of assumptions: Share your view with “I” messages and try to understand the other person’s perspective.

• Work for win-win solutions: Collaborate to find a resolution that benefits both parties.

• Let go if necessary: If the conflict remains unresolved, let go of anger and disappointment, trusting in God’s promise to remain with us. Even in disagreement, the bond of Christ unites us.